A Lovelorn Woman

i'm sitting in the park
wondering what to do next.
i hear the chirping birds
the lush green grass makes me glow
i watch the kids screaming and squabbling
a toddler walks up to me
followed by his mother
i smile-
suddenly i decipher the illusion
the place around me turns to a desert
miles of barren land-
the noise and voices are drifting away.
the sun is furious
the heat seeps through my skin
crying hysterically i look around-
all i hear is a faint laugh.

In Memoriam

as i walked through the dark lanes
i pondered-how could it be?
ages have passed since we parted
still i breathe, continue to exist
i've achieved something i never thought i could-
never desired to achieve it either.

as i go deeper into the lanes,it dawns-
days have passed and will continue to pass
i survive till something gets the better of me-
oughtn't i to survive in guilt then?
to writhe,wriggle and wait-
wait an endless wait
wait for pain,joy,anguish,desire
and the result-
what then,do i derive from life?
nothing-
all its nothingness in one blow.

should i move on?i need a destination-
to reach,seek and attain
but-
i'd rather wait an endless wait.

The Spirit of Solitude

I've often wondered how most people do not explore the joy of solitude.for ever since i can remember,most pieces of literature that i've read,talk about solitude with a sense of hollowness.i'm not debating this representation of solitude;merely exploring the term.its amazing what a change in perception can do to our understanding of a term.the only catch being that most of us are blessed with an innate need to resist change.

to me,what follows logically is that by not experiencing these raptures of solitude we are holding ourselves back from knowing ourselves completely.antidiluvian as it may sound,ever tried waking up one morning and taking a long walk,going for a swim or even for that matter reading a book?and doing all this just for your own sake and nothing else?its like feeling the space of a stage before performimg on it......its something so personal that its almost impossible to put it down in words(a refuge for my crippled sense of writing).its the moment when you think-this is it-life's perfect!

now,to the very pertinent question-where is all this heading?frankly,its the simple fact that i see so many people around me spending their lives without actually experiencing the joy being with one's self.the purpose of this bit is to urge its readers to try and experience this wonderful feeling-to reach out to that solitary reaper who is blissfully happy in her own world.

Road to perdition...??!!!!!

i woke up in a delirium this morning....there it was-vanishing into thin air!!for the hundreth time i could see this happening.my solely copyrighted possession-my dreams(!!)-off they were again at the very point i wanted to hold on to them.argh!how frustrating! and its the same dream everyday-every single day of juvenile teenage life.

well nothing exceptional about this dream-its what every foolish,fantasising,stupid girl would dream of-the perfect man. now are u surprised that it was a "dream"?now do u realise why i was desperately trying to hold on to it?come now,i'm sure u r smarter than that!!!

the point is that sadly i'm no longer a teenager nor am i juvenile(or so i'd like to believe) yet that dream has as much value to me as my first tom cruise poster(had a tough time parting with that one!).what is absolutely amazing is that the female species is blessed with this vivacious imagination;specially when it comes to the man in their lives(or is it"men"??).i've never met,seen or even heard of a girl who doesnt have a "how shud he be" list.{as of now i'd not want to talk abt the self actualised women who have shun their lists and "settled" for what they have....its the ultimate reality we're subconmsciously prepared to face!!}

i've always wanted to "deconstruct" the female brain and closely examine it....that's again a fancy-nothing more.i know better than to get lost in that labyrinth!!switching gears and getting in sync with reality;i'd say just spot a sensible guy and go for him!(with all due respect to men)i strongly appeal to my own dear species.....let your dreams remain just that-dreams!if you manage to realise this-life's just great!and lastly a piece of advice from this psuedo self actualised soul-you cant have your pie and eat it too!!!l

the real you

if one has to describe onself how would one do it?? we behave differently with different people simply because if you have to talk to someone who's not like you (more often than not thats the case) you have got to attune yourself to that person's thinking or vice versa. Individiualists might argue that they'd rather not talk to such people but i think one is able to make this decision only when the so called thought process in a person begins.what about relatinships that were established before this thought process began? its not necessary that you feel the same way now and almost wonder at times-all those moments of bliss that you experienced when you were young;what was the basis of it all??? today when you have started thinking,you cannot fathom how you even had a sort of relationship with that person.its too late to do anything about it now so you go on behaving a though it were all the same but deep down there is that voice screaming- this isnt you! when you return to "your" world of intellect and sanity and try to feel relieved,you feel the guilt instead.yet again it is your mind telling you that you had a good time after all.......so where is the consistency? where is this real you that you are so proud of?? where is the source of the thought process that you think makes you the kind of person you are? the values so dear to you..where did they come from? my issue here is the quest for the abstract that makes you "an individual" but..... does the concept exist?is man just a culmination of used and abused ideas and ideals? what is this intangible that he calls "mind" that essentially defines his existence? that which makes him different from the primates and the like.is it nothing but a cluster of advanced cells that he possesses? is there anything that he can call "his own" that has not previously originated...so what is this concept of originality? our thoughts are guided by a lot of things-our experiences,knowledge.the books we read......so is it fair to even claim that you thought of something ORIGINAL? i dont think it is.......i'd end by quoting this line from a poem- we are part of all that we meet
-alfred lord tennyson