Of late, I’ve been wondering a lot about parenting. What with the furore caused by Amy Chua’s passionate article and book, it certainly seems to be a wildly fascinating topic. More so, since I belong to the Indian society where the family unit is tightly knit and parents naturally tend to have tons of expectations from their kids and children take a lot of things for granted when it comes to their folks.
Chua’s theory basically is this – Just keep pushing your child and you’ll produce one of the following: a prodigy, a genius, an all-round star, a wildly talented kid. And for all this to be possible, the kid can basically have no fun at all and cannot do most things that fellow kids do. And this in comparison to how “western” moms raise their children in an article titled “Why Chinese mothers are superior”. No surprise then that the article has and continues to generate passionate responses. Here’s one of the responses the Journal carried.
While I can see why a “Western” reader will be appalled by what Chua has to say, I’d be lying if I say that Chua’s style of parenting does not sound familiar. I’m certain that most Indian kids know of someone who has a demanding parent, if they don’t have one themselves, though it’ll be unwise to think these stereotypes are not changing, both in terms of the “Chinese” and “Western” style of parenting.
Case in point: Judy Murray – mother of rising tennis star, Andy. Now, while I cannot claim to know the exact style of her parenting, those of us who have watched her be a part of the audience while Andy’s playing, may find it hard to not lean towards the possibility that she is a tiger mom. The woman has nothing to do with the Far East but it appears that being an overbearing parent has worked really well for her and even her kids.
The "tiger mom" style of parenting is based on the assumption that competitiveness is absolutely necessary for excellence and if your child is not naturally competent, it’s the parent’s duty to instill this “virtue” in the child. Though there may be some shred of truth to this, I believe the theory largely is largely flawed. Different kinds of incentives work with different kids.
Since tennis is the flavour of the season, let’s consider another example – Li Na. One wonders how much her Chinese mother had to do with her success. Or perhaps, her husband chose to be the tiger mom in her life. Something tells me Ms. Chua has a better theory.
But at the end of the day, it all boils down to one simple fact. Most parents just take a leap of faith and earnestly hope their kids turn alright. And I reckon regardless of the style of parenting, they secretly wish they never have to take blame for their children’s failures and get some credit for their successes.
